Blogging to China

2010-07-13T20:39:00.010-04:00

We're having such a fun summer. Where do I start? Jimmy and I went on a cruise without the kids, couple of pics above. We had fun but missed them of course. We had a huge July 4th party with a 100 ft water slide, Aubrey must have gone up and down it a zillion times, she had so much fun. She is such a vibrant happy settled little girl. It is such a blessing to see her happy. Weve spent some time on the boat and she just loves it. Everything is amazing right now and we are very happy. Enjoy the pics.

Long awaited update

2010-05-15T13:21:00.016-04:00

No grand excuses for not getting on and updating this blog in a while. I've just been busy and enoying life. I have been on a diet for the last couple of months, I have lost 25 lbs, still going I would like to loose 10 to 15 lbs more.

Aubrey is doing really well, she is being a typical 3 year old, has finally conquered the potty training hurdle (except at night is still in pull ups). She is so smart and funny, she keeps us moving and entertained all the time. Her latest phase is wanting to do everything for herself, she says "Auby do it" about a hundred times a day. lol

I don't know what we ever did without her, it feels like she has always been a part of our lives. So we got through her birthday and mothers day both big celebrations, Daddys birthday in April and today is my Birthday, I am 25 (again).

Here are some recent pictures from Easter, Zachs Prom, and a trip to Gatlinburg.

2010-03-12T16:06:00.008-05:00

So much going on, my posts get further and further apart. Zach went to Nashville and performed for a commercial at the Wildhorse Salloon, we had such a good time. Looks like he might be signing a management deal with the producers of the commercial, we'll see what happens. Check him out on myspace at www.myspace/zachdylanmusic.com . Aubrey is getting so big and talking up a storm, she went through a pretty rotten phase where there were lots of no's and obstinence, she is very independant. But it is getting better now and she always has her sweet moments to balance it out. She sings this song called I'm daddies sweet pie all the time, and then changes it to I'm Mommys sweetie pie, and I'm Gugu's sweetie pie...very precious. As you can see she is beautiful and healthy, her hair is getting long and she loves makeup which she has on in these pics.

All for now.....

Christmas

2010-01-18T10:55:00.011-05:00

Little late with this, we just chilled through Christmas, both Jimmy and I had a bunch of time off and we were having fun. We've got some exciting stuff going on with Zach that has kept me off the computer as well. He was "discovered" by a producer/manager after a one day recording studio session I arranged for him as a Christmas gift. The owner of the studio sent some of his cover songs out to a couple of folks because he thought Zach was really good and Viola, the next day we go a call to come to Nashville and meet with them. This was about a month ago, we are set to go back in a couple of weeks and look at a contract. Very verve wracking and exciting at the same time. We have been really busy putting together a more professional demo, arranging musicians to play with him and finding original songs. I have even written several for him. CRAZY HUH? We'll see what happens, say a prayer for us. It feels like everything is coming together as if it were meant to be...... here are some pics from Christmas.

Itty Bitty Pretty One

2009-12-03T09:15:00.012-05:00

Young love, Zach and Kaylie:) Pretty girl.

My girl is so beautiful, I marvel at her sometimes when I look into her deep dark eyes and and envy her thick shiny black hair and year round tan:) I hope she can grow up with self confidence and pride for her Asian decent. We talk openly with her about her heritage already at this young age, I don't ever want her to feel surprised by it. As her language skills grow, we are trying to talk more about China. Sometimes I'll say Chinese phrases to her and gauge her reaction you can tell even with my terrible pronunciation of Mandarin that she recognizes it, she will repeat me when I call her Zheng Shuang. Maybe it's time for some Mandarin Lessons, I have a CD ROM my Mom bought us.... anyway just rambling. Gonna add some pics we took this past weekend. Has a nice vacation for a whole week and now I am home with strep. On a side note Zach has an appointment to record a demo with a friend of mine that has a studio this Sunday, I am so excited for him, i hope he is not too nervous to perform well. He usually does pretty good, where did that kid get all his charisma hmmmm:)??

Gotcha Day 1 yr Anniversary!

2009-11-10T09:37:00.017-05:00

Wow I can't believe its been a year! I don't know where the time has gone. We asked Aubrey yesterday if she remembered when we held her for the first time and said "I am your Mama I love you, I am your Baba I love you" (in Mandarin), she said "Chinese". It was cute. She is cute and funny and healthy and happy and a little stinker sometimes, and so darn smart. When I think about all the things they told us about Zheng Shuang while we were waiting in those weeks after we found out who our daughter was, about her special needs, her heart conditional and her developmental delays, her poor fine motor skills it really puzzles me. Were they watching the same little girl? My little girl has a healthy heart, my little girl came to me with the the best fine motor skills of any child I've ever known, she could pick up a flea and stick it in her mouth, and she's smart as a whip. I know I am blessed that she is healthy when she was supposed to be special needs, and trust me I feel like it was Divine intervention. After all I overcame personally this year, it has been a blessing not to have to deal with medical of developmental interventions. To spite a few little colds here and there and a staff infection she got over the summer, she has been remarkably healthy. Today we celebrate a milestone, life with Aubrey just gets better every day. We finally learned how to be the parents of a little munchkin again, we have her unconditional love, she overcame he initial insecurity over me leaving the room or leaving her with my mom while I worked (that was a challenge), she has bonded strongly with everyone in our family including aunts, uncles and cousins. Her language is continuing to improve (this is the one area where I do feel that she is a little behind for her age, my sister is a speech pathologist and she says she is within normal speech parameters for her age and feels that she will catch up on her own) she is now speaking in sentences. She is the best girl when it comes to sleep and eating, she will eat anything and sleeps 12 hours at night with a 2 hour nap at noon, could you ask for more? She sleeps in her own room now, did not have nay issue transitioning out of our room, and she goes right to sleep when you put her down. And she is doing well with potty training which we have kind of taken slowly due to my work schedule. Amazing! Now don't get me wrong, we have behavioral issues like any 2 1/2 year old, but she is easily corrected. I just feel very lucky today and everyday to have this beautiful Little sunshine in my life. We waited for so long, it thought it would never happen, and it has. Our family is complete and now we can go on living a happy life. Mama, BaBa, GuGu and Aubrey a forever family! I'm including some pics from our Gotcha Day a year ago today and some from our picnic this past weekend.

This Time Last year

2009-11-06T15:09:00.006-05:00

Aubrey in her foster home, a few weeks before we brought her home.

Aubrey Trick or Treating on Halloween....

This time last year, In a land far away, the land where you were born, I waited to hold you in my

arms...time seemed to stand still. Only four more days until I finally saw your face, felt your warm breath against my skin. The Angel in my dreams for all these years, the little figurine with dark longing eyes. In this strange land of hustle and bustle and things of wonder, I knew you waited too. We were strangers then sweet child, I wanting the love of a child, you needing the love of a mother. One year ago fate was about to bring us together. Where has the first year gone?

Wrapping up Month 11 and a disertation....

2009-10-24T09:01:00.020-04:00

Zheng Shuang (Aubrey) at approximately 3 months not long after she was found, she must have been loved by someone.

Well it is fall and the leaves in East, TN are changing, everything changes sooner or later. I've been so busy. It's the time of year with my job that I am really working hard and on the road a lot and so is Jimmy, it's been challenging but overall I think very good for me. It has given me some old my confidence back, confidence that I can work and be a good wife and Mom! I gotta tell ya it was shaken about this time last year. We were anticipating travelling to China, on the countdown with only a few days to go an I was riddled with fear and anxiety. I can't believe I was ever so frightened of this precious little girl I have come to know and love so completely. I thought the feelings would be with me forever, they invaded every part of my life, haunted me by day and night, kept me from sleeping for months on end, the fear eventually turned into a great sadness for the loss of myself, of the joyful life that I once led. I will never forget boarding the plane in Atlanta, somewhat of a frequent flyer, feeling like I was going to loose my cookies any moment, frozen in one place unable to move without being pulled along by my wonderful and supportive family. I can't really explain the fear, it had been building for months. I think back now and I can see that it was a fear of failure greater than anything else, there were feelings of inadequacy, of doubt in my ability to completely give myself as a mother to this child I was yet to know, a mourning of the free wheeling life that I was "giving up". Our adoption was years in the making, followed by years of desire and attempts to have a baby the traditional way. Once if finally culminated I felt I had changed, like I had outgrown this deep need that I had for another child. I was so afraid to voice these thoughts lest God strike me down. The blessing was in the midst and I the one who had begged and pleaded and prayed and worked so hard for this was suddenly uncertain.

Then, we fast forward to China time, I guess from sheer exhaustion (or perhaps the hand of God) kicked in, I slept for the first time in months through the night each night of our journey, on our fifth day in China my precious baby girl was placed in my arms for the very first time. I will never forget my first words whispered in my daughters ear, Ichi Mama, Wu ai ni (sp?), I am your Mama, "I love you", and she looked at me as if she had been waiting on me, her sad eyes pleading for love. It was instant, it was deep, it was like giving birth and holding my son in his first moment of life. Different and the same. My sadness and fear stuck with me for months more only recently lifting to where I can see where I was and where I am now. Each day after returning home I awoke with the resolve to love and care for my little blessing, to teach her how to live a full life, and to watch her grow strong. In eleven months so much has changed she was once a withdrawn, shy little one, now she is strong, bright and funny and deeply loved. When I think about her beginnings in the world, I am sad for her loss, and for the woman who made the greatest sacrifice imaginable for this child. I am also amazed by all the people that came together to touch her life, nourish and care for her as best they could until she could find her way home. I am grateful to Zhengzhou SWI for her early care, to her foster mother who must have been broken hearted to give her up, to Pam and Clay at Swallows Nest for loving my girl so much and providing her with as real a home as they could, with food and warm clothes, with hugs and kisses and medicine, for getting her ready to have a family, and for easing the fears of an anxious mother as best as they could. I thank CCAI for orchestrating what seems like an impossible task, for making this all possible and for doing it with grace and kindness. For our guides in China who became our friends, kept up safe and comforted us through such uncertain times, for my family at home and with me in China, for not really understanding what I was going through but loving and supporting me anyway, my son (my sunshine), my husband (my rock) who must have felt desperate and afraid himself, my dear cousin Kelly who left her own family at home and made such sacrifices to be probably the best travel companion I could have asked for. For my Mom, without her, I could not do what I do, be who I am. For the friends we made along the our journey, families who were very much in the same boat as we were, mothers just as anxious as me. For the support of all my friends at home, who know who they are and how much they helped. For my sweet girl, who hasn't always seen my best side, but has adored me from the beginning. She makes me laugh and smile, she makes our family complete, she makes me see that this journey, this Adoption journey, has been at the same time the hardest and most wonderful thing I have ever done. Our red threads were many, and we are still discovering them, we are happy...I am happy.

Aubrey

2009-09-13T10:02:00.012-04:00

Aubrey at 1 year of age.

Aubrey at 2 1/2.

It's hard to beleive it has been almost 10 months, this time last year we were just recieveing our LOA. I remember how excited, emotional and SCARED to death I was. Now Aubrey is sitting beside me on the couch and watching cartoons and we are at peace. One day I will write about my emotional journey during our adoption, it has certainly been a rollercoaster I never expected to ride. I always thought adoption was about wanting a child and finding a child that needed a home and then after a bunch of formalities life resumes and your family is complete, A to Z just like that. In reality that scenario is full of giant HOLES. To sum it up it has been the most fullfilling wonderful thing and the hardest thing I have ever done......I'll write a book about it one day I think:)

2009-09-05T22:10:00.003-04:00

Just loved this photo thought I'd add it. Jimmy, Aubrey and I went to the beach last week, Destin, FL. It was my National Sales Meeting for work, had a great week. It is always a really exhausting week too much overindulgence, eat to much drink too much stay out too late and come home feeling like you got hit by a semi! I was rather proud that I kindaof took it easy on myself and feel better than usual, i might just shake off the fog by tomorrow, just got home yesterday. Aubrey is doing really great, she recently went through a pretty whiney phase that was driving me nuts but it seems to have passed. I find that with kids these patches usually do if you don't pay them too much attention. She continues to be such a loving, sweet little blessing. Zach is doing great also, school is going well so far, he has a really sweet girlfriend, we are looking for a vehicle for him, he is still playing guitar and singing his heart out. What a lucky Mom I am:)

What's new?

2009-08-03T19:27:00.008-04:00

Nothing....nothing new anyway:) All is well in the Lee household. Zach is about to start back to school, he is working really hard on his music. He's been playing guitar for a few months now and he has always been a great singer, but he's putting it all together now and making music. I am so proud of him. I always new he had talent, it is just great to see him be so passionate about something. Check him out on youtube....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZWKSryRVYI

He'll have more to come!

Aubrey is doing great too, she is so smart and getting to be quite the roudy one! She's keeping us on our toes. Her language is getting better she's using lot's of phrases and we are really encouraging her. She can count to ten and say a really cute version of the ABC's. She is getting big and her hair is getting long. Oh and she LOVES to dance. We went to Opreyland hotel last weekend and she danced for three hours one night to country line dancing music, it was so cute she was trying to do the moves:) I bought her some cowboy boots with lights in the heal and she just thought she was really something else! Here are some pics....

Fun on the Hiwassee River

2009-07-06T09:52:00.010-04:00

We've been spending as much time as we can on our pontoon boat, boating season is short so you gotta get out there while you can. As you can see Aubrey loves it, she loves to swim and dance to the music we have playing on the boat. I was just looking back at pictures from China it is hard to believe we are approaching 8 months with our special little girl. What a ride! You know my mind is just starting to clear.... for months I have been on autopilot. Having a little one again is a lot of work, I guess conceptually I knew it would be but refused to acknowledge it. We have a good routine going which is key. I could not ask for a better child I have said this so many times but Aubrey is super flexible, she just goes with the flow most of the time. She is loving and smart and has such a good sense of humor, she keeps us laughing and smiling. She is such a blessing. Since our last post we have had fathers day, and the 4th of July. We took Jimmy out to eat for fathers day, it was a special day with our kids. For the 4th we had a big party at our house. Jimmy worked had for two weeks to finish out deck, we added a huge addition to it and got a hot tub which we are enjoying very much. Summer has been fun so far! More fun to come before school starts again. I'm Cool.

Loving Daddy....

Aubrey loves her gu gu!

I love this wind blown look!

Zach Aubrey and Trey.

Aubrey and Mommy!

Driving the boat.

Are these guys good looking or what?

Swimming with Daddy.

Need a vacation from my vacation!

2009-06-12T19:16:00.034-04:00

Had a great vacation we cruised to St. Thomas, St. Martin, Coco Cay for seven days and stayed in New Symrna Beach for a couple of days beforehand. I learned one thing....cruises are not the best choice in vacation for a two year old....too confined and not enough activities for little ones. But we had fun none the less!! It was nice to get away, get the sun and eat like the world was running out of food in seven days. I think we collectively gained a metric ton. Lots of pics below we had so many good ones I had a hard time narrowing it down. Aubrey is doing great her language skills are really progressing. The only issue we have is seperation anxiety when I get out of her sight, it is really bad some days. I guess we just have to be patient and ride it out. I hope she soon learns that Mommy will always come back. Oh how I love this little girl. Zach is enjoying his summer break. Now it is back to the old grindstone and as usaul when you leave for a while I came back to a pile of work a mile high. Oh well here's to my next vacation!

Crazy Life

2009-05-29T13:54:00.004-04:00

Life has been so crazy lately I have not had time to post, I have new pictures but I also have a new lap top and have not downloaded them onto my computer yet. Only real news is that we are going on vacation, if fact right this very moment we are driving to FL to stay in a condo for a couple of days then we are going on an 8 day cruise to the Eastern Caribbean, yeah ! I don't think I have ever need a vacation more. Aubrey is doing great, the terrible twos have hit us full force though which I think is perfectly normal. She has a serious case of seperation anxiety everytime I get out of her sight which is stressful for me, but we are dealing with it. The girl loves her Mommy! Hopefully I'll have some lovely cruise pics to post when we return. Bon Voyage!!

Girl in white hat....

2009-04-20T20:54:00.004-04:00

ABOO in my hat and loving on her GUGU! Sweet girl.....

Easter

2009-04-12T19:58:00.016-04:00

Easter was nothing short of amazing, look at my beautiful children...how could I ask for more?

Fun life....

2009-04-12T13:04:00.018-04:00

Beautiful isn't she? How did we get so lucky? We have been having lot's of fun lately. As you can see she had a Sponge Bob party, we had a great time with lot's of friends and family, presents and a special cake made by my sister Susan. She made Aubrey her own little Bob cake to destroy. But in the usual fashion she was pretty demure and did not tear into it. She had fun playing with all her cousins and friends. Today is Easter Sunday, so I'll have more pictures to add later. I am getting behind on updating. I could not resist doctoring some of my favorite photos up and putting them on here, I think she is just beautiful, she has the most beautiful skin and her charcoal eyes are just scrumptious.

Aubrey is talking up a storm, using lots of two and three word phrases and being very expressive with language. She is still a very loving child, she is very happy in our little family, and we could not be happier that God has blessed our home with this beautiful child.
On Easter Sunday we are very grateful for our blessings!

4 months and a birthday!

2009-03-21T10:27:00.008-04:00

Yesterday was Miss Aubreys 2nd birthday and our 4 month anniversary home. I feel we have come a long way with her, we are a family. She is doing so well, had a check up with the Dr. on Thursday and she says Aubrey is developmentally on target. Her language skills are blossoming more each day. She amazes me with the love she has to give and her fun personality. She is a happy little girl. Everyone always comments on how well behaved she is, my Mom even said she is the most enjoyable child she has ever babysat for, which is saying a lot! Anyway we are all doing well and are planning a birthday party for Sunday. I wanted to mark her birthday and our four months at home day with a special post and some pictures. These are of a recent hike we took and a little fun she had with some spaghetti. I will post party pics later:)

I can put on my own shoes!

2009-03-05T21:03:00.002-05:00

Ok so they are on the wrong feet? Who cares, I still look cute! Things are going good. I have had a really busy couple of weeks with work and am expecting March to be very busy also. I have a lot of travel coming up. My mom has been watching Aubrey for me, thank God for her. I hate to stress her too much so I am going to have to devise a plan for my sister and my cousin to help out. I hate leaving her so much. she misses me and when I get home she is clingy :( poor baby. Part of me wishes I could stay home, but it is not financially possible. I am very lucky to have a flexible schedule most of the time, so I'm counting my blessings. Speaking of blessings, I ran across a guy tonight that talked to me very openly about his faith, he said that he felt that adoption was high in God's favor. It was nice to hear.

Amazing Aubrey

2009-02-23T19:51:00.006-05:00

We have been home with Aubrey for 3 months and my how she has blossomed. In one word she is amazing. She is learning so fast, her vocabulary is exploding. She is quite the little chatter box. Aubrey is very independant and is a bundle of energy. She is a good girl, everyone is always commenting about how good she is everywhere we go. She lights up a room with her personality, she has a great sense of humor and everyone sees it. She says "hi and bye" to everyone we meet in town and blows kisses.

She fits into our quirky funny family like she was always meant to be ours. The Lord works in mysterious ways indeed.

To anyone out there who is waiting.....here is a word for you: I must have heard every single adoption cliche there is and I quess at some level I believed them, but it was hard, very hard. "Well worth the wait" was something I must've heard a million times. I knew it would be worth it no matter what she was like, but the waiting was painful, it almost drove me over the edge emotionally. Well actually it did drive me over the edge for a while. But I couldn't have imagined a better fit, or a happier ending. Aubrey is truly amazing. All the years of waiting for a daughter are now a blur and a distant memory. I love my daughter. Is she perfect, no.....she cries sometimes, she gets whiney, she can be stubborn. But she is ours. I have given life to a child and have given a life to a child and it feels the same. Zach was such a wonderful baby, perfect....well I thought so, but he cried, got whiney and was stubborn sometimes and still he was my son through and through. I feel very blessed to have my two children. They came to me in very different ways at very different times in my life, but oh the joy they bring me. So now it is my turn to say that she was "well worth the wait"!

Shay

2009-02-11T10:41:00.007-05:00

Lovely new pics of Aubrey from yesterday, we had a pretty day. I have the flu, please pray she doesn't get it:)!!

We are doing great, she is so smart and loving. She usually does not cooperate for pictures, you have to be really quick. I thought this outfit was so cute on her and her hair is growing thank goodness. I feel very plessed to be this little girls Mama!!

Shay

Funny Girl!

2009-02-02T18:28:00.005-05:00

Yes those are my (colorful) panties around Aubrey's neck, they are clean of course:) She was "helping" Mama with laundry! And that is her gu gu's (big brother Zach's) house shoe. She loves to wear big people's shoes which can be quite treacherous for her considering she normally falls every few steps already, it was her first time sporting Mama's panties as a necklace though. Just thought it was cute......glad they weren't my thongs since that is mostly what I wear (yeah right:))!!

Life Goes On.....

2009-01-28T10:14:00.005-05:00

I have a brand new niece, weighing in at 8 lbs 5 oz, Miss McKenzie Rose baker.....parents are Suzan (My wonderful little sister) and Jason Baker. She was Born on Jan. 26 at 1:01 pm.

Aubrey was the baby of the family for exactly 2 months and 6 days. Its hard to believe we have been home for two months and six days, but alas we have and life goes on.....

Here are my two babies, my little baby and my big baby, finally got a farely good shot:)

Aren't they beautiful!!

Shay

All about Aubrey....

2009-01-20T10:14:00.008-05:00

I wanted to make this post all about Aubrey, they precious little gift from God, the daughter Jimmy and I have prayed for for too many years to count. Her name we picked years ago from a song by a band called Bread from the 70's about a girl named Aubrey...I loved the song and the name and now she is a real live person to me instead of just an idea and we love her so much. We feel like God hand picked her just for us. I never gave up hope and faith that one day we would have a daughter, the lessen I learned is that I had to wait for God, who knew something that I didn't know. That our daughter would be born to a mother who would be forced to give her up, and that we were meant to be her Mom and Dad. We had to wait until we were ready and until she was in need. The links of the adoptive parent to the adopted child are not just random, Gods hand is at work, we are bound together by that invisible red thread and it was predestined for us to be her parents, I feel it in my soul.

About Aubrey: She's beautiful..... smart, funny, very affectionate, energetic, charming.....she is just amazing. She is a blessing! Jimmy and I wake up every morning to a happy face and a hundred kisses.....then she gets moving. She loves to eat so that is the first order of business. She sleeps 10 hours a night and takes a two hour nap. She loves her, elmo, her grocery cart, her stroller, her I love you kissy baby, her glow worm and books. She is smart as a whip she is quickly learning our language and says mama, dada, zach, gugu (brother in chinese), thank you, please, more, eat, up, down, hello, bye, hey, baby, nana (banana) mamaw, papaw, good, milk, yes, no, tickle, dog, ruff, ruff, book and lots more...not bad for a girls who 2 months ago did not have any english words. She is using a potty chair already (not all the time). She loves to dance and sing. She loves to rough house with her daddy and brother and loves to be tickled and tickle everybody else. I could go on forever...she is just a good girl. She seldom cries. We are just very blessed by this little girl, I pinch myself sometimes, after all the waiting and wanting a daughter for so long, she'd here. AND I can finally put the tiniest little bow in her scant hair!!!! Yeah!

At a time when our country is changing so much that we actually have a AA president being inaugurated today, I feel blessed to have our little chinese american dream....and I am looking forward to so many wonderous new adventures and to a new beginning for our country, God Bless America!!!

Just what will the new year bring?

2009-01-06T18:08:00.009-05:00

We got a camper, a pop up camper to be precise. It was Jimmy's gift to himself this year, he has always wanted one. As you can probably tell from many of our pictures we love to spend time outdoors, hiking, biking, camping, fishing, you name it. So for 2009 my resolution is to get healthy.....mind , body and spirit. I have always focused so much on how I looked but I have come to the point after having some struggles with anxiety and depression last year that looking good really doesn't mean much if you don't feel well emotionally, physically or spritually. So that is my challange. I have already lost a bunch of weight, but depression is not the way to do it trust me. I recently started seeing a Naturopathic Dr. who is amazing. When I first started feeling ill, I went to several Dr.s convinced that there had to be a physical cause for my anxiety, for the heart palpitations and fatigue. I did not buy that it was strictly emotional. I asked for blood tests and was told I needed to see a therapist and that blood tests were a needless expense (by 2 reputable Dr.s mind you). Finally my OB did a blood test and said I had a very high estrogen level he put me on the pill and sent me out the door. Long story short my new Dr. order a full blood panel and discovered that my vitamin D, calcium, Zinc and Iron levels were all very low, among other things. All of the above mentioned deficiencies are linked to anxiety, depression fatigue and insomnia. Mind you my problems manifested acutely in August which is when I saw the first Dr. I went months with little or no sleep and began to feel severely depressed for the first time in my life. I feel that all of this could have been cut very short if I had a blood test way back then. I am angry about it, I think I will write letters. Anyway what does not kill us makes us stronger right? So back to what this year holds, I no longer have to obsess over when the baby is going to come, she is here in the flesh and she is yummy!! This year holds so many possibilities for me. I have been trying to have a baby in one form or another or wanting one desperately for the better part of 10 years. It is time to move on. I have totally ingored myself for so long, this is my year. My year to be a mommy again, my year to get truly heathly, my year to fosus on the things most important to me....my family, my health, my spirit. I want to be the vital and happy person that I know I can be. We are going to use the camper for our maiden voyage this weekend. Wish us luck on the weather. Pics are of our recent trip to Benton Falls and a few others... by the way Ms. Aubrey is learning so fast, she can say her name, Mama, Dada (or Baba), GuGu (Zach), Zach, I love you, bye, hi, Mamaw, Papaw, More, eat, Milk (she can sign those too), dog, please, thank you (she stil says sha sha which is chinese for thank you), and others I can't think of at the moment. She is very affectionate and funny, with a little bit ot Ms. Independence in there. She is very attached to me, but loves her daddy and brother very much. We got very lucky, I know some people struggle to adjust initially in adoption and we have all done so well, she sleeps and eats well and is just in general a good girl. God has truly blessed us and we were humbled by our experience in China. For anyone who reads this that is open to adoption, there are so many children in need of loving homes, it would break your heart...anyway enough rambling....Happy New Year!!!

Fabulous Christmas and new pics!

2008-12-29T11:31:00.008-05:00

We had a great Christmas lot's of love, fun, family and of course presents! Aubrey had a ball, she did not really get the whole opening presents thing. But she did enjoy her toys...she is a sweetheart so much personality and fun. Everyday brings new adventures. I have to get back to work in a few days and so does Jimmy so we are enjoying some time outdoors together, we are going on a hike today and a long bike ride tomorrow, the weather has been nice, it is so good to see the sun after such a rainy Dec. Oh well not much else to say here are some new pics! Happy New Year to ALL!!

Great Pics from our "Hike" in the mountains today!

2008-12-14T17:59:00.009-05:00

Pics of our girl....

2008-12-07T19:05:00.003-05:00

So how are things at home??

2008-12-04T10:55:00.002-05:00

Well I can almost say I have recovered at last from the jet lag, I am not sleeping the greatest but I don't know that after 2 weeks I can blame it on jet lag anymore. It is what it is, I'll take what I can get. We have been adjusting very well, Aubrey is doing wonderfully she has really warmed up to everyone in the family and is a little character, she is a lot of fun. She also gives the best hugs and kisses ever! She is a little clingy to Mama at times, but loves to play with her BABA and GEGE (Jimmy and Zach). She fits in with our family very well, she likes to roughhouse and has a good sense of humor. She is eating and sleeping well and except for a cold is by all accounts healthy as a horse. It is definetely an adjustment for me, Ms. Independent, It has been a long time since there was the pitter patter of little feet for me to chase after.....but the challange has been good, and her love and affection for me get me through the rough spots when I think for a fleeting moment....Oh, my lord I HAVE A BABY!! She is a blessing, her smile absolutely lights up a room. I am ready for the hair to grow though so people in the mall will stop calling her (dressed in pink from head to toe) a BOY:)

I have pics on my camera will download them later today and post soem new ones.

Shay

Headed for home in the morning!!

2008-11-19T06:31:00.004-05:00

We are headed home at 5:50 in the morning, and we are so ready! We managed to get all our stuff plus the million gifts we bought packed up and ready to go:) TN here we come. It has been a great trip in a really interesting kind of way. Lot's of really hard stuff, but not as hard as I expected. Lot's of wonderful people met and we discovered that most people in China are kind and generous and gracious and welcoming and honest.......just like everywhere else. Most of all we discovered how special it is to open our hearts to a beautiful child who needed a family and to watch her slowly begin to trust and then love and then totally open her heart to us! We miss everyone and can't wait to get back in the good old USA!!

Home Stretch

2008-11-16T23:54:00.009-05:00

Gaungzhou is nice, beautiful weather, we finally got to see the sunshine! I was beginning to get seasonal affective disorder or something:) The White Swan is a nice hotel by China stnadards but the beds are the size of a match box and there is no mattress only a wooden plank, joking but that is what it feels like! Aubrey is doing great she got over the cold she had, and she has been in a great mood the last 2 days, she is warming up to Jimmy and Zach kind of slowly but loves me and Kelly. Yesterday we had a breakthrough with Jimmy she let him hold her for a couple of hours and he played with her at bed time and got her al wound up! She is a great sleeper, thank you Jesus, and goes right to sleep when you put her down. She is on a definite schedule, which should be interesting with the jet lag going home. She is a beautiful bright girl and the picture do not capture her personality....she crinkles her nose when she smiles and it is just adorable. A word or two abouthe orphanage, it was heart wrenching. They were very nice but the place was cold and institutional and the children we saw had serious special needs we took candy and some donations clothes and such and they were so thrilled, to see their little faces light up was truly amazing we were all very moved by the experience. Here are some more pics gotta run Zach is getting impatient with me being on his computer:)

Ok, Enough of Zhengzhou already!!

2008-11-14T05:09:00.003-05:00

We are getting restless and ready to move on to the next venue Guanghzou here we come in the morning! The pics below are of the Orphanage and a local school, we were moved to tears at the orphanage, I will share more later we have a fussy baby tonight she is not feeling well. One more day closer to coming home!!! Yeah!!! Being in China has changed me in many ways, it has given me a great gift more precious than I can describe, but more thank anything it makes me grateful to be an American

2008-11-13T19:56:00.011-05:00

2008-11-10T23:46:00.007-05:00

Update Day 6

2008-11-10T23:14:00.002-05:00

Pretty low key day here in China, Zhengzhou does not have a lot for Americans to do so our time here will go slowly. We are getting to know our group members very well and the hallway in our hotel has become a common gathering place. There are some very nice and very selfless people here. This experience will change your values, it certainly has mine. Somehow I always thought the world revolved around little me and my simple life.....it turns out that there is a whole great big world out there, and there are a lot of people suffering in it. I see the daily struggle the Chinese people have just to make ends meet and take care of their families and they are such gracious generous people. We passed a very old man begging in the street and gave him some money and I thought at his age he should be retired and home being cared for by loved ones. Then there were two men who had deformities one had no hands, it is just sad....it makes you realize that your small worries pale in comparison to what the vast majority of the worlds population has to endure. The shocking thing to a westerner like me is that these people are very happy with their way of life. I never thought of our family being rich and yet we are in so many ways. Aubrey is sleeping, she went to sleep last night at 7 and woke at 6:30 in the morning, she takes a two hour nap mid day (now). She eats everything she can get her hands on and is quite a little chink of lead. She gets a little fussy when she is tired or hungry but other than that she is happy all the time. She is bonding with all of us well, especially me, but she will readily go to Jimmy and loves to play with him. We got our adoption registration done this morning and received a cetificate....she is officially ours a few more steps to go and then we can come home, it could not come fast enough for me, China has its great aspects don't get me wrong, but I appreciate so much more now what we have at home in the US. Here are some more pics....

Gotcha Day- Day 5

2008-11-10T01:09:00.008-05:00

We have our baby girl and we could not be more thrilled. Here is how it went down.....we walked as a group to the provincial office in Zhegzhou to pick up the babies and one by one they called the families in, we were they 4th family.....I could see her in the room all dressed in pink and she was so much more beautiful than I ever imagined. A family ahead of us was adopting a 12 year old who was so excited to be adopted she was abandoned at 10 and she really wanted a family, it was very moving. We were all crying and just estactic at the same time. To say we are in love with this little one is not even close. She is a very special little girl, she is healthy and happy and so loving within seconds she was kissing our cheeks. She recognized us from the book we sent and we were saying through the tears " I am your Mama, I am you BaBa, I am your brother and I love you" in chinese of course. We are so happy have to go do paperwork now. Here is a pic or two. Please ignore spelling errors, I am trying to hurry.

Day 4

2008-11-08T18:55:00.006-05:00

Sorry for not updating yesterday......we had a LONG day. We toured the Great Wall of China and climbed to the top, it was tough going up and tougher coming down your legs turn into spaghetti noodles on the way down:)

We are headed to Zhenghou this morning and we get to meet Aubrey tomorrow, by the way it is an 11 hour time difference from home. We are jet lagged and have been going to bed at 7:00 here and waking up at 3:00 am......actually this morning I slept til 5 and everyone else was up for a change:) I feel rested today and am really excited about meeting our daughter!!!! In a rush this morning gotta catch a flight, here are a few pics.

Lolex watches and Cucci Purses

2008-11-07T06:27:00.003-05:00

Jimmy and Zach wanted me to add that we have been bombarded with "mosquitos" which are street vendors trying to sell us some rather tempting knockoffs:) and here is my favorite picture so far from the trip!

2008-11-07T06:17:00.010-05:00

Day 2

2008-11-07T06:06:00.003-05:00

We lost a day somewhere, it is Friday night here already and we are promptly going to bed as soon as I finish this post. Tired does not fully describe how we all feel but we had a great day. Our guides Barbara and George were awesome! We went to the Forbidden City, Tiananmen Square, a great Authentic Chinese lunch and a traditional Hutoung where we had a tour of a common Chinese home, it was really neat. We also rode in Rickshaws and left a very bad tip to the driver because I can not seem to figure out the conversion from US dollars to RMB. We also saw lots of beautiful Children today and got to now some great families from our group. Kelly and I used a squaty potty which was UHH....interesting, and we saw lots of babies with thier butts hanging outof thier little split pants. So many things about China are different but people are the same wherever you go, hey thats a line from a song, I'm delerious ......here are some pics. Goodnight!

We arrived in Beijing.....at last!

2008-11-06T09:00:00.003-05:00

We had a rather long travel day and are TIRED, but we arrived safely!!! The 14 hour flight to Korea was brutal but we made it none the worse for the wear! Should have pics to add tomorrow....we are touring the forbidden city :) We have our gotcha day in 4 days......we will be A FAMILY OF FOUR!! We are nervous but excited we have seen lots of beautiful children already and are meeting up with several other CCAI families tomorrow. Stay posted I gotta go Zach is trying to figure out how to use skype from here!

Goodnight!

Shay

Itenarary for our trip.....

2008-11-03T10:41:00.001-05:00

11/5 Leave U.S. for Beijing.

11/6 Arrive in Beijing
Go to the Holiday Inn Downtown Beijing. Free time. Enjoy!

11/7- Tour Beijing.
11/8

11/9 Depart Beijing for Zhengzhou on Air China flight CA1325 (11:40-13:00).
Go to the Crown Plaza Hotel. It is appropriate to tip the luggage handler about $1 per bag upon arrival.

11/10 Walk to the Registration Office to receive your child this morning. Congratulations!
Zhengzhou – The orphanage’s Children’s Department Director, Mr. Zhao, will deliver your child to you.

Sign the Guardianship Agreement. Take Registration Certificate photos at local photo shop.

11/11 Walk to the registration office to complete the Adoption Registration in the morning.
Please note that your adoption is finalized at the time of registration.
Rest or optional group shopping trip to the Lotus Center (same as Walmart) in the afternoon. Pay as you go.

11/12 Free time or rest. Optional tour may be available.

11/13 Free time or rest. Optional tour to the provincial museum. Receive your Notary documents in the afternoon.

11/14 Free time or rest. Optional tour may be available. Please ask Yisha for details. Pay as you go. Receive your child’s passport in the afternoon.

11/15 Leave Zhengzhou for Guangzhou on China Southern flight CZ3971 (10:50-12:55).
Go to the White Swan Hotel. (It is appropriate to tip the luggage handler about $2 per room upon arrival)

11/16 Sunday. Free time. Rest, tour, shop. Pay as you go.

11/17 Have your child’s visa photo and physical completed today. You will be walking to the clinic with Jocelyn. Bring supplies (water, snack, etc.). Be ready to go! Meet with Jocelyn to prepare paperwork for the Consulate appointment.

11/18 Today is your Consulate appointment.
Jocelyn will deliver your visa packets to the U.S. Consulate Adoption Unit.

11/19 Go to the U.S. Consulate to take the oath in the afternoon. Receive your child’s visa packet at the conclusion of the oath ceremony.
DO NOT OPEN YOUR CHILD’S VISA PACKET!

11/20 Please check out of your hotel room and be ready to go by the designated time.
Thanks! Leave Guangzhou for Korea on Korean Air flight KE5816 @ 8:10.Leave Korea for the
U.S. WELCOME HOME!

Feeling Blessed Today

2008-10-25T17:44:00.002-04:00

No new news really other than that we got our final travel packet yesterday with our itenerary and such :) Am I still nervous.....yes, it comes and goes but today I am feeling good and very blessed to have this opportunity. It is ironic that in the travel itenerary it tells you exactly how much money you will need for the remainder of the process and guess what.....we have EXACTLY the right amount saved almost to the penny, isn't that weird? We expected to have to scrounge around a bit but it looks like that won't be the case. Once more we have been provided with an open door and there is no ugly monster standing in it.... thanks GOD! I wish I knew if Aubrey ever got the chicken pox and I wish I was holding her right now, but soon enough! Will post our itenerary soon, and I want to add some photos from our shower at long last, I am very grateful to have loving friends and famiky that cared enough to give me one! So stay tuned.....

Poor Baby....

2008-10-17T17:21:00.002-04:00

Got a call from our agency yesterday and it looks like our pretty little sweetheart has been exposed to Chicken Pox after just recovering from the measles:( Maybe she will not get it. I think maybe she is trying to get all those childhood illnesses out of the way before she comes home. I guess that's not such a bad thing, but I hate for her to be sick and not be there to care of her. It makes me sad! I am doing a bit better with the sleep the last couple of days, keep your fingers crossed that it is passing! Update on travel, we are leaving the 5th of Nov. from Atlanta at 11:55 pm and will arrive in Beijing at 8:10 on the 6th. We will spend a few days in Beijing and will unite with our lovely daughter on the 10th in Zhengzhou City, Henan Province. After several days there we will head to Guangzhou City in Guandong province for our Consulate Appointment on the 18th that is the final step and we are coming home baby in tow on the 20th, just in time to rest up a bit before Thanksgiving. Please pray for a safe journey for us, for an easy adjustment for our little one and for her health.

Shay

Update

2008-10-13T17:35:00.003-04:00

A few words come to mind when I see these new pictures of Aubrey Sophia Mei that a friend took while on her adoption journey..... beautiful, precious, gift, God, thankful, joy, heart, dream.....I could go on but I guess you get the message. We will be travelling to pick up our little miracle and bring her home most likely on Nov. 5th. Please think of our little one in prayer, she has had the measles, but is doing fine.

I am doing a little better also, please keep praying. It is something I have been doing a lot of along with excercising, loosing 12 lbs and taking every supplement known to man. I found out my hormones are lets just say "not optimal", likely due to fertility treatments and stress in general. Still missing a night of sleep every now and then, and worrying relentlessly about everything under the sun. I am working on faith and focus right now. A lot of low self esteem and doubt about myself crept into my mind over the last several weeks. I want to thank GOD, my husband, my son, my friends and family and of course my online friends for thier support. I am not at the end of this stupid tunnel yet, but I can see a light and when I look at this little girl who I love so much already, it grows brighter. And if you see this, thank you friend for the pictures and the support. Shay

Please pray for me and my family....

2008-09-08T21:47:00.000-04:00

A child sat on Jesus' lapin the splendor of heaven.The child asked, "Is it time?"Jesus parted the clouds, looked and said,"No, not yet child."The child asked "When will it be time?"Jesus replied, "When lessons are learned,hardships endured, and loneliness lived,then it will be time."Time passed. The child asked, "Is it time?"Jesus parted the clouds, looked and said,"No, not yet child."The child asked, "When will it be time?"Jesus replied, "When maturity is reached,self-worth affirmed and spirits strengthened, then it will be time."Time passed. The child asked, "Is it time?"Jesus parted the clouds, looked and said,"Their love is strong and their hearts are open.Yes, now it is time-Your parents are ready."~author unknown

le

Shower and other stuff....

2008-08-21T10:46:00.003-04:00

I FINALLY had a shower for the baby girl I have always wanted!! Yeah me! It was lots of fun and I had so many friends and family members from near and far show up. It was very special. I got lot's of the things I registered for and still have lots of shopping to do on my own. I will post some pictures later today when I have time to download them from my camera.

No new news on the baby yet exept that in a week or so one of my online friends who is adopting from the same province in going to pick up her little girl and I am hoping she might take some pics of our Little Aubrey Sophia Mei (final version of the name I think). So I am excited about that. Still no news on our LOA (letter of acceptance) but this is not out of the norm so nothing to worry about. Still looks like it may be end of Sept to First couple of weeks in Oct. for travelling.

On a personal note please think of me and if you are a praying person, I could use a few. I have been having some pretty bad anxiety and insomnia. I don't really know what is causing it. I thought I was handling everything ok but I guess it has just caught up with me. I am working on about 4 days without a lot of sleep. So I am getting kind of loopy and quite frustrated:) But on the other hand trying to count my blessings. Headed for a massage today.

Update from our agency today!!

2008-07-31T14:07:00.006-04:00

Our little one is doing well, breaks my heart she's growing so fast without us! They reported that at the beginning of July (15 months old) she weighed 24 lbs was 30 inches tall, she has 7 teeth, she is very active and can walk with assistance but not on her own yet. She likes to eat like her Mama:) she is shy but she likes to be held and cuddled. We also got our first travel packet today, just another milestone.......we can't wait!!

I've been tagged!!

2008-07-20T22:45:00.005-04:00

Being fairly new to this blogging thing I had never heard of "being tagged" but in trying to keep up with my new found blogging friends I discovered after doing much travelling the last two weeks and not having much time in front of my beloved computer that I had been tagged by my friend Ashley http://www.alegacyofhope.blogspot.com/ ........we share a common thread, we are both adopting from China and we are using the same agency. I have learned that the adoption community is extremely supportive, we all go through the same ups and downs and no one truly understands better than the other Mommies who are waiting along with us. We feel hopeful when others receive their special news, elated when we can share our own and then guilty when others are still struggling through the wait. I am very hopeful that Ashley will be blessed with a referral very soon (maybe even for twins!!).......

So this tagging thing involves describing yourself in six words.....and then tagging other friends to keep it going. I'll give it a shot, lord knows I don't mind talking about myself!

Impatient...I am an extremely impatient woman. I know this is not a flattering quality and I try to control it to no avail:) I have always been an immediate gratification type person. The adoption process does not lend itself favorably to my personality hence the reason I have suffered so much anxiety!! I have wanted another child for oh. let's just round it off to 12 years (my dear son Zach is 14)......so many years have passed with this longing in my heart. It has been hard. I've endure failed fertility procedures, as has my poor dear husband Jimmy, I'll spare the details but boy has he been a trouper... and supportively watched as every friend and family member of child baring age has had one child, then two. It has taught me a lesson about patience, when I see the precious pictures of my new baby girl, I now know why I have waited, I was waiting for her, it is as clear as it can be to me now, I was supposed to wait for her.

Mom...I have been a Mom since the way to young age of 21. Although I was mature and had a natural instinct for mothering, it was definitely a trial and error endeavor. I learned how to be a Mom when I still had a lot of maturing to do myself. But I must say of all my accomplishments, I look at my bright, handsome, talented, funny, happy, compassionate, really cool son and I can see I have done well with him. He has always had a special something, I know parents always say this, but the day he was born I knew instinctively that he had a powerful destiny, he will be someone of significance, of distinction, a leader, not your average Joe. I can't say what it is but Zach is special. I can't take all the credit, most of it is just who he is...but I know my love has gotten through to him, I know it has touched him, he has an old soul. When my impatience with his teenage antics rears it's head...well let's just say we have our moments like any mother and child....but he is my best friend and we are so close, being his Mom is the greatest blessing and joy of my life.

Passionate....Ok, I promise this is not that kind of blog, no smutty talk here:) I am talking about a quality that I possess and it runs a broad spectrum. You could probably also call this anal retentive or maybe even obsessive compulsive but I am choosing to put a positive spin on it. I care and feel and believe so deeply....when I take something on it consumes me, it ravages my mind and I cannot let it go, it becomes my cause, my obsession until it is done. Fertility treatments, adoption, work, family, my home, politics, the environment, education, reading, learning, helping....whatever it is I am passionate about it.

Determined....aka stubborn. I can not believe my dream of having a little girl to love is about to come true. It has taken tenacity and sheer will to move this process forward, it is not easy. It should not be easy, after all a child's well being is at stake. It annoys me when people scoff at how long it has taken and how much work it has been for me or worst of all how much it has cost...they often say, it should be easier to adopt...so many children need homes! Part of me wants to jump on board with that idea because I know that we will give this child a wonderful home, but if it was really easy, I fear that some children may not be so fortunate as to end up in loving homes. I have been determined and it has been worth it.

Two more to go...this is getting long, told you I like to talk about myself!

Ready to move on with life.....okay that is not a one word description but it does describe how I feel. I am ready to bring our lovely daughter home and be her mommy and put the years of longing for another child behind me. No more obsessing over the computer and all my many adoption groups and blogs (not that I will ever completely break that habit) I just want to experience a life without feeling that there is something missing.

Hopeful.....I end with hopeful because I truly am, when I look at the pictures of Aubrey (yes we are changing the spelling) I feel love that I can not describe for a child that I have never held, but I hold her in my heart, a child that I did not bear, but she was conceived in my imagination so very long ago, a child that I have placed my hopes and dreams in....just a few more months and a little more patience.

Have to figure out who to tag later.....

2008-07-16T18:50:00.004-04:00

Where in the world is our baby girl? She is in Henan Province, in Zhengzhou City. She was found abandoned under a bridge in Xinzheng City at a little over a month old by a police officer and was taken to Zhengzhou City Social Welfare Institute (an orphanage), shortly afterward she was placed in foster care in Kaifeng with an older foster care mother who appears to have taken good care of her and loved her, she is now back in Zhengzhou back in orphanage care. It makes me so sad to think about the terrible circumstances that could force a mother to leave her baby under a bridge.

Vacation Over, Reality Setting In

2008-07-13T11:42:00.004-04:00

Ok, for the first time in a long time...I had a real vacation. Poor Jimmy and Kent had to work, but the rest of us had fun. We rented a condo, it was me and Jimmy, our good friends Kent and Amanda, Zach and his buddy Cody. I now have a tan and a refreshed mind. I have come back home to the reality that I have a lot of work to do....work work and adoption work. Hopefully there will be a shower in the next few week so I can start checking off my long list of baby things that I need.

2008-07-10T16:56:00.004-04:00

Introducing Aubre MeiLin Lee!! We finally got our Pre-Approval letter today so we can share our news with the world....after a long wait we finally get to be parents to this beautiful little girl. But we still have a bit of a wait ahead, we wait now for our letter of acceptance and then finally a travel approval, so it should be around the end of Sept. if I had to hazzard a guess. Here is what we know about her, she was born on March 20, 2007, and was cared for in foster care until recently. She is currently 15 months old and resides in Henan Province, China at the Zhengzhou City Social Welfare Institute. She possibly has a minor heart defect, but is otherwise healthy and thriving. She weighed 21 lbs at 11.5 months and was 28 inches long(for those of you who do not know, Chinese bundle thier children with many layers of clothing, she is dressed in many layers in the pictures). Zheng Shuang likes people to play with her, and when she is played with, she will giggle happily. She loves to play with adults and is so cute. She likes to watch TV, and when she sees something happy, she will smile excitedly. Now Zheng Shuang can sit steadily by herself and she likes to sit in her crib and play with toys. Her favorite toy is a little drum, and she always loves to beat on it, looking very absorbed. She can use her hands to pick up a light object, and she can walk backward in the baby walker. We are just in love with her and can not wait to bring her into our family!

Being Quite for a Reason:o)

2008-07-02T17:39:00.003-04:00

Sometimes you just can not say what you really, really want to say in a public forum....even when it is something really good that you are extremely excited about!! So I remain tight lipped for a few more days (hopefully)!

Okay now that's out of the way...haven't posted in a while, I have been really busy;) Doing what you ask?

* Working, I won $100 for having the highest sales for the month of July...yeah me!
* Lot's of random paperwork:)
* Buying some baby clothes, finally settled on buying mostly 18 month sizes and a few 12 month
* Doing more decorating in my nursery
* Entertaining Zach and his friends, they think summer must include something FUN to do at all times...
* Weekend's boating and working on my tan!

That's about it! Going on Vacation next week to the beach with our friends Kent and Amanda, we got a really cool condo at a steal in Gulfport, AL. I can't wait, this may be our last vacation as a family of 3! Visit again soon.....maybe I'll have something EXCITING to say!

Good, Bad, Ugly

2008-06-19T21:50:00.003-04:00

I'm having trouble getting into this blogging every day of my life thing. I love the idea, if fact I love blogs. I am addicted to them. I have a few yahoo groups I can not live without (if that counts as blogging)...they are all China adoption related of course. But I dare not admit how much time I spend checking them....you might be shocked. I was likewise addicted to fertility blogs before we began our journey to our daughter in China. I followed one called "the naked ovary" for YEARS.....she finally ended up adopting a beautiful baby girl from guess where????? CHINA. Now I think I heard she is pregnant. Talk about a master blogger, it was an engaging blog. I guess my fear is that I will not have anything witty or interesting to say. But this blogging thing is supposed to be cathartic right? Well I have found that to be true. In as little as I have posted so far I do feel better just getting things out there and off of my mind. It is a self fulfilling prophecy whatever that is supposed to mean just always wanted to use that in a sentence. So what is good bad and ugly about this post? Well the good thing is I am feeling better, I had a tough time last week. But, I have a renewed outlook and I am looking forward to seeing if we will get a match next month, or the next, or the next. Ok, that leads to the bad and the ugly....our agency did not match any children off of the shared list this month. They got an individual agency list with 25 children, mostly boys...so matches where made from that list, but the BIG list that is online that many agencies view had a bunch of children added last week and for some unknown reason our agency was unable to lock in any files for it's waiting families. Don't have a clue why, I could speculate but I won't. They did say that most of the children added this month were older boys and girls and children with more significant special needs and they didn't find any files that matched the waiting families profiles. I am trying not to make assumptions as to what this means for our wait. We'll just have to get through it one day at a time. Ok, back to the good...I bought some more baby clothes this week....I recently read that if we are expecting a child 12-18 months old, she will likely wear 9 to 12 month clothes. This means that all the stuff I have been buying (not alot) will be too small:) She will still look very much like a baby to me!

Disappointment

2008-06-12T11:04:00.004-04:00

This week has been a tough one for me. It started out so optimistic. There was news all over my adoption blogs that a new list of waiting children was going to be posted this week. Since we are close to the top of our agencies waiting child list that meant that we could get a call. The list was posted late Tuesday night and so far we have not gotten "the call". I have not been 3 feet away from my phone in days (I admit, I am carrying it around in my bra) and I have been glued to the computer whenever possible trying to figure out what is going on. The last news I heard is that their were mostly boys and older children added this month and all the girls with minor special needs were already spoken for. There is a possibility that more children will be added over a few day period...if not we'll move on to next month. The Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs has been posting new lists about once a month. I know it is for the best because it will give me a little extra time this fall to get some work in during our busiest time of the year before I have to take time off. I am a Territory Sales Manager for a pool chemical company by the way.

So how do I feel? Bad, I feel bad...there I said it. Hard to admit for an optimist like myself. This is not just about this week, this is years of longing to have another child culminating into what seems this week to be endless waiting. My husband Jimmy could tell you more about how bad I feel he has had to listen to it, poor man. My son could tell you how bad I feel because he has had to deal with me being pretty irritable. I will snap out of it, in fact today is already better than yesterday. It's funny, any time someone asks me how the adoption is going I am always super positive, mainly because it is all so hard to explain everything. But here I can be honest and say that it is difficult to get through the waiting. The picture is me with my beautiful niece Madison.

2008-06-10T11:27:00.003-04:00

My first baby, Zach who is now 14 going on 21. What a great kid, I have been trying so hard to add another child to my family, lest I not forget that I have a beautiful son. He makes me laugh, enfuriates me, gives me a reason to get up and worry myself to death all day, he's my best friend and my pride and joy! Zach is excited to be getting a baby sister at last, but he'd never admit it. I can't get him off of his phone long enough for him to admit anything. With a face like his and that charming personality, as you can imagine he has a very busy social life!

Nursery Pics

2008-06-10T11:12:00.011-04:00

Here are our nursery pictures, of course they don't do it justice colors are more vibrant in person, still have a lot to do! I hope Aubrey loves it!

So fast all the sudden!

2008-06-10T09:58:00.003-04:00

Well, suddenly it seems that our adoption process is moving along. I haven't even shared this blog with friends and family, nor have I posted much because I thought we still had a long wait ahead. And lately I have gotten really good at procrastinating! Well that has all changed!! In the last couple of months the waiting child program that we are a part of has had a lot of changes. Agencies from around the world are now part of an online system where children with Special Needs are added regularly to the list. Once they are added, adoption agencies can view files electonically and lock in files for thier families to view. It has sped up the process and.....long story short we are expecting a call about our baby girl any time now!!! So how do I feel about that? Excited, freaked out, scared to death, excited some more, paralizingly petrified and in general very emotional....I go back and forth. This is sort of like a long pregnancy (like as long as an elephants' pregnancy) where in the end instead of going to the hospital, you get on a big plane and go to China. Instead of 24 hours of labor you have 24 hours of your butt falling asleep in a cramped airplane seat. Intead of giving birth to a precious baby you give birth to a giant stack of papers called a dossier, instead of the nurses handing you a swadled newborn an orpahange director hands you a crying toddler wearing multiple layers of clothing even though its summer time. Instead of giving life to a baby that looks like you, you are giving "a life" to a child who looks just like her beautiful unique self and diserves so much more out of life than what she has had so far, and you get to be the lucky one to give it to her. The best part of all is that whether you give birth to a child or give a home and a family to a child that does not have one, the love that goes both ways is the same. Can you see how it could be equally rewarding? I can.

My next post will be pictures of the progress I have made on our baby's nursery. I think it is very cute....we do not have much stuff for her yet because we don't know how big she'll be. As soon as we find out I will post information here. I'm hoping someone will give me a shower!! By the way our Daughters name will be Aubree or Aubrey haven't decided on the spelling. The middle name is still questionable, right now it is Meilin or Mei Lin :)

Waiting

2008-04-20T08:56:00.002-04:00

The waiting aspect of this adoption has been very hard for me. I am one of those "make things happen" people. Thats a fancy way of saying I am not a patient person. There is no immediate gratification with Adoption. China has a long list of back logged dossiers for families waiting to be matched. Ours is in the pile with about 30,000 others from what I have been told.

A lot of people are curious as to why we would choose to go A: go to China to adopt a baby instead of doing a domestic adoption and B: why we would choose the Special Needs route through China's adoption program.... when we started we had no idea the wait time would grow to 3 years and beyond, it was 12-14 months when we began. We chose China because of the stability of the program and the needs of the children in China. In China for many complex reasons including a "one child per family" policy and a social preference for healthy male children, there are large numbers of abandoned female babies. There are also large numbers of children with medical needs many of which are minor by US standards laquishing in orpahanages waiting for someone to give them a loving home. These children, those with Special Needs are paet of an expitited process because they need medical care that is not easy to come by in China. This called to my heart. The fact that we will not have to wait 3 years or more is a bonus, but frot eh record we have still had a long wait (7 months to get our dossier ready and logged in with China, and a year now since our log in date). But, here is there real deal......we are doing all of this for selfish reasons. Of course we want to provide a loving home for a child in need of one, but we believe we will gain far more from this adoption and the love of a child than we can ever give back. We are not Saints, just ordinary people who want a baby and are blessed enough to have the means to make it happen in a special way.

Here is a link to our agency if you'd like to learn more about China Adoption http://www.chinesechildren.org/ and if you just want to see some prcious children and read thier stories check out this site http://www.myadoptionwebsite.com/chinaadoptionstories.htm

2008-04-11T23:44:00.002-04:00

This is us Jimmy, Shay and Zach....

Introduction

2008-04-11T23:00:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone, I am creating this blog so that friends and family and others who are in the process of adopting from China can follow our journey to our daughter in China.

I'll begin with an introduction, we are Jimmy and Shay and we reside in SE Tennessee. We have been married for almost 7 years. Jimmy and I both have children from previous marraiges....3 between us, but only 1 living at home, Zach who is 14. We have always wanted to have a child together, won't go into the complicated history, but fertility treatments did not work for us. We have both always had open hearts for the idea of adoption. After a lot of soul searching and research we chose to adopt internationally from China. We began paperchasing in '06 and have a LID (Log in Date with China Adoption Officials) of 4/05/07. When we first began the process the wait times for a heathly infant where 12-14 months. shortly after our dossier was logged in the wait times began to grow to more than 3 years. I won't go in to all the many reason that are believed to have impacted the wait, it is complex and mostly speculation but you can check out a site that I frequent and look through archives if you'd like they talk about it a LOT and are much better at it than I am http://chinaadopttalk.com/

I digress....I felt from the beginning that Jimmy and I could easily handle many of the minor special needs that often make children from China more difficult to place, this would also significantly reduce our wait time. We are so ready to bring a child into our home, it is really tough to wait years, and we are not spring chickens....so we switched to the Waiting Child (special need) Program through our agency last August and are currently awaiting referral. We expect to hear something this summer some time and travel to China before years end to pick up our daughter. We have requested a girl 0 to 18 months in age, and have indcated that we are open to a variety of minor correctible or medically treatable health conditions. That's it for now.....